I never say that life is full of ups and downs, I always say life is full of twists and turns. So I have been through a lot of challenges in the past few years. At least, I can say that 2022 was the worst of all. I had gone through a lot of personal crises and finally, I had a huge personal loss. That’s why I decided to take up therapy sessions to get better and be a better version of myself. So here’s my love letter to myself.
How the idea popped up?
So on a Sunday suddenly, the idea popped into my mind, and thought of writing a love letter to myself. A few days back, a friend asked me who are the 3 people in your life you love the most. I happily and confidently answered my mom, dad, and my childhood friend (not mentioning names to keep privacy intact). The friend started smiling and I was curious to know the reason for his smile. He simply said that “Moumita, you didn’t mention your name in the list. Don’t you love yourself?” And that hit me so hard. It\’s so true that we never name ourselves when we mention the names of the people we love the most.
What I was in 2022?
As I mentioned earlier that 2022 was really the toughest year of my life. On 2nd March 2022, my dad met with an accident and had a pelvic bone fracture. He was at my home town, so after getting this update, I flew to my home town on 4th March 2022 with my mom. My mom was doing okay but she was not so good. Dad recovered in next few months, but my mom kept falling sick with each passing day. Finally I lost my mother and the biggest support system of my life on 8th December 2022. I was agitated, frustrated, irritated, angry and depressed all the time. I lost faith in love, in god and in humans around me too.
My love letter to myself
Dear Moumita,
I know, life was never been the same for you. Life has been really tough for you in the past few years. Sick parents, people’s weird and insensitive behaviour towards you, failed relationships, setbacks in career, lack of love and support in life. All of these things made you frustrated and made you go into deep depression. You don’t deserve it. You deserve all the love, kindness, affection and support in life.
With the guidance of my therapist, I found out the faults and started working on them. I understood that accepting who you are is the strongest and the most challenging thing to do in life. I realised the following things:
1. If I am able to accept myself with all of my faults and follies, then I will gain the mental strength.
2. I want to be a better version of myself and in order to reach there, I have to constantly work on myself.
3. I am a “work in progress” mode all the time. So I have to keep on going with this endless process.
4. I have come to realise that gratitude is another powerful thing which can turn your life beautifully. I am grateful for what I have. I am grateful for the food I eat, I wake up every morning, physically I am in good shape, my dad and I are doing good after such a huge loss.
5. I disliked few things about myself, the gap between my front teeth, 62 stitches on my entire body, my short height, my bit of belly fat and the list is never ending. But I accept to love myself with all of these things. People call them abnormalities, I call it my own distinct physical features which differentiate me from others.
Finally, I made peace to myself and I know that I can come home to myself, I can hug myself, I can smile at myself. While grabbing the cup of my evening tea on my balcony, I can tell myself that, “Moumita, you are such a great girl. You had a great day today.” Each day teaches me multiple things and now I’m excited to learn all of these things. Sometimes, I go to my dad like his little girl and ask for his opinion if he can help. Sometimes I go to my childhood friend (I mentioned in the beginning of the blog) and discuss my issues without putting a filter. It takes a lot to open up to your closed ones. But I have learnt the art of being transparent and honest to myself.
What my therapist taught me?
I just cannot stop myself from sharing about my therapist (Urvi Mehta Jethwa) who transformed my life so beautifully. She made me realise the mistakes I made in the past and why things didn’t work for me. She helped me to gain the trust in me and the strength within myself. Earlier I used to feel everything is difficult to achieve but now I am grateful for each and everything. I’m happy that now things are better and easy around me. Some of my friends say that I glow more now and look happier and content now. Sometimes, I feel low, off course I am a human and I allowed myself to feel low. But I’m learning the trick to gear myself up again to rise like a phoenix. She encourages me to make mistakes, so I can learn things on my own.
I’m beautiful inside out, strong and amazingly a Wonder Woman. No matter who says what about me, I love myself. No matter how disgraceful people are to me, I love myself. No matter how touch life is, I support myself. No matter how tough are the situations, I manifest the best out of anything and everything. I love my life the way it is. I avoid all the negative energies to keep myself positive. I only focus on the positive energies and positive people around me. I enjoy my own company and I pamper myself with loads of self-care tricks. Everything is not so good in life, but I’m good. Don’t focus on the negative side, rather always look at the brighter side and find the silver lining. I love you and will always love you no matter what. Be you, be beautiful, be kind and be cheerful chirpy soul.